it's okay if all you feel is rage.

Currently listening to: SAULT - Chapter 1.

I heard Sault in my head when I opened my notes to begin this post, so here we are.

It’s Mars day, and my day began in a very chaotic way.

Not only is it Mars day, but we’re in the Mercury retrograde shadow period.

I am angry, and for the most part, I can self-regulate, but the energy is amplified today.

It’s days like these that make me sick of this planet. This existence. What are we doing this for?

Whenever I speak to my friend/psychic medium, I ask her to ask Spirit, “Seriously, why are we doing this?”

She cackles, and Spirit replies, “It’s all for your ascension.”

Like to have to share the planet with those who don’t give a fuck about it. To share the planet with hateful, insensitive, selfish, DOWNRIGHT assholes. Why?! Year after mf year. Moon cycle after mf moon cycle. 365 days after 365 days.

What is the point?

Why are we doing this?

What is this experiment?

I paused writing for a moment to do something else and heard “stay in alignment.”

I know Spirit wants me to chill, but will allow me to have these feelings for today.

When I feel rage, I try to calm myself down by getting into solitude, listening to R&B/Soul music, and writing. I also observe my thoughts. Why am I in this mood? What are the solutions? What can I control here?

I try to move back into objectivity/neutrality about the reasons I’m enraged, but today, I got nothing.

There is an energetic transition that is happening right now, collectively and individually. I am ready to see the mf result lol. WHERE IS IT?!

My day began with rushing. Now, rushing is not divine behavior. Nonetheless, I was rushing, and by the time I got in the car, my check engine light was on, another icon was blinking, and my acceleration was acting like she was taking the day off.

I was able to drive and get my kid to school on time, but I knew that my next stop would be the car repair shop. Mercury retrograde is always a time to be extra aware of any vehicle issues, possible issues, and required maintenance. I even had an appointment scheduled this past weekend to have the car inspected, but they were so crowded that they were unable to honor my appointment.

Thankfully, I was able to be seen today. Even more grateful that my car was driving absolutely fine yesterday when I really needed to accomplish my to-do list. To add to my rage today, I’m in the middle of a fork in the road. One I’ve been standing at, no, camping out at for years.

A little backstory: I am a manifesting generator, meaning that I am a multi-passionate person with a myriad of interests and seemingly will forever be a person who starts and stops things once the sparkle is gone. Don’t believe me? Look at the chart below:

This is literally what’s happening on the inside of my body. Now, back to the rage.

So when I’m in a rageful mood, I think about all the other things that I’ve been able to keep outside of my immediate attention bubble, but now seeing them clearly sitting in the corner of my mind, it’s adding lighter fluid to the internal flames.

*Not my self love altar candle sparking as I type that 👀

I feel like I have been at the same stoplight in my life for years. Paralyzed by the unknown. I have been unwilling to move out of this space for a few reasons:

• In the past, when I would move, it was the wrong mf way
• I don’t want to spend time moving in the wrong direction, to have to start over
• I feel like I need more information, more assurance from the universe to move
• I have too many options. I want to do this, that, that & this, that & that, and that too
• I’m aware that I don’t have the capacity to do it all
• All of it costs money, energy, and time
  • *I heard Spirit say, “And what else are you doing in the meantime.”

See, this is why I choose to be silent when angry, because my Spirit team will chime in on my foolishness and correct me with the quickness.

I’m choosing to share these streams of thought today because someone else might be experiencing this. Angry for no reason, or at least you might not have pinpointed the reason.

I think we’re also experiencing ancestral rage, too. We have a right to be enraged. Every day, there is another person, politician, group, etc playing in our faces, expecting us to just take it, brush it under the rug, or store that rage in our bodies until it kills us.

I will release this anger. I will regulate my nervous system before the day is out, and I’ll be angry again in the future. It’s the cycle of life, right?

Anger is divine because it gives you clarity on things that you may not see (with your third eye) when life is running smoothly. There’s something about our perspective when we’re angry that causes us to move. Maybe even quicker than when we’re optimistic.

According to Good Therapy, anger energizes us. It serves as a positive force to motivate us to stand up for ourselves and creatively find solutions to the challenges we face. It drives us toward our goals by causing us to eliminate whatever is preventing us from realizing our desires. It also triggers optimism by empowering forcing us to take action and move from an undesirable position to a desirable one.

Each emotion we feel has a purpose, but anger is often a catalyst for change. The urge to CHANGE OUR LIVES because we are fed up with current circumstances.

I hope that is that if you are feeling anger or rage today, in this season or in this social climate, allow it to fuel your next move. Honor it, sit with it, maybe even curse out a person or two who deserve it. Remember that this anger is divine. It is here to show you something. Spirit will use every tool it has to nudge me you in the direction I you need to go.

Love y’all.

p.s. It’s Mars Day + Mars Hour that I’m posting this. COME ON ALIGNMENT!